i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
