Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
