He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
