turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
