either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
