bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
