her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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