I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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