I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
