went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
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