i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
