a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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