You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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