I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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