I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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