I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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