You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Semen is not good for contacts.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
