i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
