R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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