Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
