if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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