We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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