Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
