remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
