yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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