he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
