dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
