hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
