what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
