she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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