dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
