i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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