I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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