I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
