I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
