I murdered the dance floor call the cops
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
