It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Randomize
