I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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