Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
