Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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