So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
