You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
