So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
