Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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