I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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