My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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