I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
