Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
