turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
