my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
