I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
if i died would you start the facebook group?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
