I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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