I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
