I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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