My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
