addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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