Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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