I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
