so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
