can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
