pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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